Durelle Price
Dedicated to building strong communities by strengthening families and youth, Durelle Price has served as an educator, motivator, and coalition/initiative leader mobilizing communities across the country and building their capacity to serve. Family Matters Seminars and Workshops founder and author of programs such as Intelligent Dating, Teen Esteem, Successful Survivors and Response Matters, Ms. Price hosted the Nashville public television educational series “Family Matters” featuring her award-winning dating violence prevention program DATE SAFE.
Durelle is partnering with Jennifer’s Story Foundation (JSF) to launch Operation Yellow Dress bringing The Yellow Dress, a one-woman dating violence prevention play to Texas schools. Currently strategic consultant to the Community Solutions Cooperative of Rockwall TX, Price is also formerly: president of ANTHEM (The Alliance of North Texas Healthy Effective Marriages) Family Safety Council; president of a Tennessee regional task force; and liaison to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Ms. Price has pioneered projects including: The Community Accountability Project; Kids in Crisis—Helping Hands; and PeaceFeast ’99.
Her professional journey advanced from Victim Advocate, Crisis Counselor, Executive Director to her role at FranklinCovey as a Strategic Consultant working with Dr. John Covey where she wrote and designed custom curricula including the highly acclaimed 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage program. She has traveled across the U.S. certifying facilitators to teach military, couples, families, and youth. Durelle was honored to serve as a consulting writer on best-selling author, Sean Covey’s book, The 6 Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make: A Guide for Teens, which features highlights from her Intelligent Dating program.
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FranklinCovey Consultant Blogs | Durelle Price | March, 2009
Thinking When-Win?
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Enjoying the spectacular Chris' Whale-Watching Tour in Monterey. Closest thing to an island caretaking gig I'll snag.
Practicing Habit 4: Think Win-Win of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People promotes mutual benefit. But, have you ever found yourself thinking ‘when-win’ instead? The ‘when-win thinker’ constantly asks: “When is it going to be my turn? When will I get to ‘win’ in this relationship? When do I score the ‘big one’ at work, or in the stock market? When will my ship come in?” Finding himself in a perpetual state of lack and ingratitude, this person is actually thinking ‘lose-win’—positioning himself or herself as the victim—reveling in a funk of entitlement.
‘When-win thinking’ steals your joy, locks it away and gives the key to fear. Fear then steps in and convinces you you’re not worthy of joy anyway. So, why do so many people find themselves thinking ‘when-win’? Conceivably, it is a learned behavior—one that has sometimes been passed down generation to generation. The inbreeding of kissing cousins ‘when-win’ and fear—an unholy union—has produced noxious offspring-bullying, ‘win-lose’ thinkers. Prisons are brimming with these takers who pillage and plunder, robbing society of the domestic tranquility framed in the constitution by our courageous forefathers.
However, in this fear-driven economy, ‘when-win thinking’ can latch on to the best and stressed of us. So, how do you shake it? First, recognize you have cascaded down the slippery slope into scarcity mentality-fearful that your piece of the pie has already been eaten by someone else. The task ahead is to shift back to the paradigm of abundance.
I’m partial to the definition of “abundance” found in the Encarta World English Dictionary online:
- Large amount: a more than plentiful quantity of something
- Affluence: a lifestyle with more than adequate material provisions
- Fullness: a fullness of spirit that overflows
Building on the last characterization, to regain the paradigm of abundance you must reclaim your joy! Rather than focusing on what you don’t have, let your spirit overflow! Remind yourself daily of all the things you DO have such as: love of family, health, skills, and opportunities. What? Do you think I can’t see through this monitor the rolling of your eyes and the smirk that appeared on your face when you read the word “opportunities?” Dale Carnegie and his contemporaries frequently told stories such as that of a wealthy man who’d lost all his riches in the crash of ‘29. Yet, rather than hurl himself out a window, or retreat into self-pity, he charged the day; put on his one and only suit; donned a fresh carnation in the lapel; and picked up a copy of The Wall Street Journal. A cheerful greeting was his gift to all passers by, and when stopped by an associate who queried his state, he exclaimed, “Why it’s your lucky day because I am looking for a new opportunity!” Because he refused to succumb to the loser’s mental rhetoric of ‘when-win thinking’, it wasn’t long before this leader found the opportunity that rebuilt his monetary riches ten-fold.
So, if you’ve found yourself craning over the fence to survey the quality of your neighbor’s grass, rubber-necking a new Maserati, or wishing you got that island caretaking job in Australia (Okay, I admit it! I reeeeeeally wanted that one!), you need to know that the lonely guy driving the Maserati would give anything to have a loving spouse and two sweet kids just like yours.
The “Perfect” Whirlwind
Every day the perfect lea
der spends the last few minutes of the day planning the next. Each hour broken down into perfectly detailed steps toward a series of well-defined goals. In a perfect world, you wake up with the energy and resources to ascend those steps and embrace your goal. However, much to your disappointment the world is not perfect and neither are you.
If you wear various hats as I (and most of us) do, you often find yourself defined by the roles associated with those hats and validated by the execution of your goals. I have strived to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect friend, the perfect consultant, the perfect student, the perfect… Until I have found myself in the “perfect” whirlwind. At times, I couldn’t see for all the projects and commitments whirling around me. It appeared I’d forgotten how to say “no.” For some reason in my life, I equated saying “no” with failure, or at a minimum inadequacy.
Perhaps the same is true for you in business. You strive for perfection, say “yes” to every goal, and find yourself caught in a roaring whirlwind-unable to progress-feeling as if you are failing. To fight the whirlwind, you must be proactive rather than perfect, and you need discipline. In fact, what you need is four disciplines-The 4 Disciplines of Execution.
In my role as a community mobilizer, the goals are substantial and impact many people and organizations. Facilitating the 4 Disciplines process, the first thing we do is identify 2 or 3 Wildly Important Goals (WIG’s). These WIG’s drive everything we do. To reach those sometimes lofty goals such as lowering gun violence, or minimizing family violence, the laser focus and dedicated cooperation of many people and organizations is vital.
Identifying commonalities in agency missions and aligning representatives from those agencies on one collective goal is quite a task. However, when the 4 Disciplines are applied, it is accomplished and the results can be astounding. Take the city of Aurora, IL for example. They partnered with FranklinCovey and identified their number one WIG as lowering gun violence by 20%. Every member of each city department focused all their energies on that WIG and voila! Eight months later, not only did they lower gun violence by 21%, but gun-related homicides were reduced by 75%! They indeed conquered the whirlwind.
Another community partnered with FranklinCovey to strengthen families and improve the welfare and future of their children. We customized curriculum for The Jacksonville Network for Strengthening Families which became The 7 Habits of Successful Families in Jacksonville, and the network deployed it throughout Jacksonville, FL. Having successfully served their goal of over 3000 families now, their methodology and results has become the model for similar initiatives across the country.
Avoiding the whirlwinds takes effort, but is easier when you employ this system of disciplines. I was privileged to be there at the beginning of both of these city initiatives and can attest to the courage and determination that Aurora’s Mayor Tom Weisner, and Jacksonville’s Pete Jackson and Robyn Cenizal demonstrate daily as they lead these legacy-building projects.
More Than Free Stuff
Daily, one of the top internet searched items is “free stuff”. People look for free products, free music downloads, free coupons, and free information. Focusing on the latter, consider the following.
The top 5 searches on one search engine today were: 1. American Idol; 2. Jillian Harris; 3. Mariska Hargitay; 4. Chris Brown/Rhianna; and 5. IRS.
American Idol last week had 21.2 million viewers (Nielsen estimates). Jillian Harris, former “dump-ee”, is now getting a chance at being “dump-er.” Mariska Hargitay is having series health issues. Chris Brown and Rhianna are bringing relationship violence to the media forefront. And for those of you who aren’t using your planners, April 15th is just around the corner.
So what in the world do all those topics have in common? One might answer the common thread, with the exception tax prep needs, is the desire to avoid one’s own issues while becoming engulfed in others’ problems. However, that is only one perspective. What if…just what if…the underpinnings of these searches suggest personal concerns and your desire to live life as intended? Ponder this…
Search Number 1: Dreams and Aspirations (Spiritual Dimension)–Perhaps this search represents your deep desire to, against all odds, go after your dreams-to develop and showcase your talents and skills and find purpose in life. Are you interested in fulfilling a mission—leaving a legacy?
Searches 2 and 4: Relationships (Emotional/Social Dimension)–Maybe this search represents your recognition that it is all about relationships-that building healthy interpersonal relationships does make a difference in your long-term health and happiness. (Comment on this blog entry and request a copy of the government report “Why Marriage Matters.”) If you don’t have healthy personal relationships, how are you supposed to build strong, fruitful professional relationships?
Search 3: Health (Physical Dimension)–Stress is the number one killer. Conceivably, you may be concerned about your health and the health of your loved ones. Are you looking for a way to find balance between your personal and professional lives?
Search 5: Education and Accountability (Intellectual Dimension)–With economic and job market volatility, you may be looking for ways to meet your responsibilities. Are you concerned about your future and that of your family-asking yourself what you need to do, or how you need to grow, to assure professional sustainability and financial freedom?
Learning to practice Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw will help you search yourself and identify pressing needs in each of these human dimensions. Plan one activity each week that allows you to use your brain to learn. Plan another that will engage your heart with another’s to find your purpose. Sign up for a training to learn something new-stimulate your brain with possibilities and opportunities. Download a free sample planner (free stuff!!) and practice scheduling time for physical activity—if only a walk around your building at lunch—to develop the habit of regular exercise.
In fact, that’s all from me right now, I’m heading for the park with Little Man Tate, the world’s laziest Yorkie. We can both use a trot and some fresh air. Meet me back here next week and share how you’ve sharpened your saw.
