FranklinCovey Consultant Blogs | Todd Wangsgard | Circumstances

Iron Will, Dumb Luck Pay Off

Monday, October 19th, 2009 | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Marathon FinishI did it. Saturday, October 17th, marked my first full marathon experience!

While I enjoy the sport of triathlon, especially cycling, and do not hesitate to jump on my bike and ride 100+ miles, it is something entirely different to pound the pavement in a long distance run. Prior to Saturday, the longest I had run was 13 miles. I know. You experienced runners out there are thinking, “You’ve got to be crazy!” (You’re probably right.)

When I got serious about the idea of running a marathon, I immediately printed off the suggested training schedule at the race’s official web site. I knew I needed to work up to distances in excess of 20 miles, about 3 weeks prior to the big day. However, I let other things get in the way. 

Race day was chilly. A friend and I arrived downtown at 6:00 a.m. in the rainy and windy darkness. Fortunately the rain stopped just before the race began, and the mid-40s temperature was rather comfortable once we got started. The scenery, frequent water stations, and abundant and enthusiastic bystanders were so distracting, I hardly knew I had completed the first 13 miles. It appeared I would finish the entire 26.2 miles in about 3 hours and 45 minutes. I was feeling great! 

It wasn’t until after mile 20 that I decided to walk for a little bit. Big mistake. 

Soon after I began a deliberate walking pace, my right knee sent a very immediate and painful message to the rest of my body. “I’m done!” I honestly thought I had torn a ligament and had just now felt it, for the first time. I knew this was the end of my wishful 4 hour goal. I would either hobble along the remaining 5 ½ miles, finishing in around 6 hours, or I would need to stop on the spot and wait for a team of compassionate volunteers to haul me off. 

After about four or five extremely painful attempts to start running again, I was able to sustain a jogging pace that didn’t bring me to tears. This leads me to my second lesson. I could NOT stop again and expect to come remotely close to finishing under 4 hours. I knew I had to keep running the distance or my goal would be postponed, until next time. 

I soon watched the 3:35 pacers pass me by. Then the 3:40 group. The 3:45’s strode by. The 3:50’s. Finally, here came the 3:55’s. I had to hang close, or at least try to keep them in sight, if I wanted to finish under 4 hours. What a reward it was to see my wife and four kids cheering me on as I hobbled across the finish line at 3:56:59! 

I was extremely lucky that my body parts were forgiving enough to allow me to go the distance. My muscles and tendons had not been adequately hardened by the necessary distances required by reasonable training. I also found new reserves of will-power and perseverance during those 15 minutes of deliberation and pain. 

I can point to several times throughout my life where both luck and perseverance have played out, as I’m sure you can too. Each exists in a very different realm from the other. Luck is clearly in my Circle of Concern. I don’t control it, but sometimes I test it, even when I know it’s not the wisest call. Will-power is completely in my Circle of Influence. No matter how hard things get, I can always dig a little deeper. 

Whether we’re plagued by economic down-turn, controversy and corruption, or overall pessimism and malaise, there is always something you and I can do to pull through. Don’t count on luck. Search deep for those reserves of will-power and drive that you know are there. You’re not running the race alone. And there are masses of your biggest fans on the curb rooting you on. But you’ve got to get you to the finish line. See you there!

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Listening More Deeply Can Mend Broken Hearts

Monday, March 9th, 2009 | Uncategorized | No Comments

My fourth child has Down Syndrome (DS). His name is Bridger. One in 2 babies with DS are diagnosed with some type of congenital heart defect. After Bridger’s birth and while he was still in the hospital, several doctors and technicians carefully listened to his heart with a stethescope to determine whether there was a classic murmur or abnormality in his heart’s rhythm. “Sounds perfect!” they would all say.

One week after his birth, we took little Bridger in for his first check up with our pediatrician. She listened to his heart. “Sounds great!” she exclaimed. Next day: Off to the cardiologist.

With DS, it is almost automatic that kids see a cardiologist as soon as possible to get an echocardiogram (ultrasound). The picture created by an echo machine is a much better way to diagnose whether there are problems with the heart chambers, vessels, and valves. The cardiologist first warmed up his stethescope and placed it on my son’s chest. He listened. He listened more. He kept listening…

As you might imagine, we were especially interested in his opinion. After all, he’s the specialist and would hopefully confirm what previous professionals had found – nothing. After what felt like an eternity, the doctor declared, “Well, I agree. It sounds fine. Let’s take a look.”

No sooner had the probe been placed on Bridger’s chest, than we began to see what we had hoped NOT to see. Holes. There were two obvious gaps between the chambers of his heart that would need to be repaired, if we expected Bridger to enjoy any long-term quality of life.

Sometimes we think we know what others are experiencing. Their circumstances appear generic enough to us that we have likely experienced something similar. We listen. Or rather we think we listen. Solutions easily come to mind and we share them gratuitously. But maybe, we’re wrong…

Sometimes we have to take a deeper “look.” Sometimes attentive listening just doesn’t cut it. Any time emotions run high or the stakes are high, we need to apply more empathic methods – empathic listening. For you 7 Habits aficionados,  you know that empathic listening is central to Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. At its core, empathic listening is reflecting another person’s feelings and rephrasing his or her content – to the other person’s satisfaction.

When you listen more deeply, you may finally reveal the holes in somebody’s heart.

Think about those close to you – at work or at home. Who may be withdrawing from their best work, just because they don’t feel understood? You’ll be surprised what listening more deeply can do to transform the relationship and lead to greater levels of effectiveness. There are very real and specific things you can do when nobody’s listening.

 

p.s. Bridger had open heart surgery in December, at 5 months old. It went perfectly and he is now firing on all four cylinders (or rather chambers). It’s considered a permanent fix!

Bridger Evan - Our Bridge to Heaven

Bridger Evan - Our Bridge to Heaven

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